note to self #2

i am weird
i can be overly- sensitive for small, tiny things

i am a hypocrite
i always try to be friendly in front of people
when i don't really like them

i am an anti- social
people say i am quiet
i don't really care about that

i am ugly
my heart is
it's pitch black, believe me

i am a pessimist
i tend to look everything negatively
how can i change that?

i am not cool
i cry over things
things that i could not share with others
pathetic, yeah i know


those are the real me
that is why i need to change myself.

a piece of heart

does living overseas make one a better person, spiritually?

i've heard it so many times, even see it with my own eyes, and yes, people DO change for better (though in some cases, they don't, in fact they become the exact opposite person). i've seen a couple of friends from my high school and pre-college years, they look more charming and beautiful now with their new personalities. i felt amazed by the changes, really. why can't i do that?

living in a foreign place makes one think of the world she's living in. me, no exception. it opens my eyes to new things, things that bring me nearer to The One. but somehow i couldn't find myself becoming like my friends. i wanna be like them, feel what they feel, and see what they see. once again, why can't i do that?

there are times when i wish i could ask them what they did to make them change into what they are now. "the heart," i believe the answer would be. to be able to live in the Firdaus, forever, masyaAllah, even the thought of it makes my heart flutter with excitement. that's where i wanna be, with my whole family and friends.



Ya Allah, tanamkanlah dalam hati hambaMu ini keinginan yang kuat untuk berubah kepada yang lebih baik untukMu, Ya Allah.

note for self #1

the more you want something, the harder it gets for you to have it.

al-hawa'
control your wants for they will only make you forget to whom you are supposed to serve
"you're wanting it" is not the same as "you're needing it"

oh pretty please..

I'm in no mood of doing anything. have homeworks, yeah, but all of them are not due tomorrow, thus the laziness. I know it's not baik untuk kesihatan, but seriously, why am I so lazy..??